Christmas Shoes
by FallenOutTheWindow
Summary: A small girl shows Jack the meaning of Christmas, it's better than it sounds. Please read.
1. Chapter 1

As the retired Air Force Colonel walked through the deparment store a sense of bitterness washed over him. This was his 5th christmas alone. The team gave up trying to get him out of the house 9 years ago. This year Daniel and Vala would be celebrating with the twins, Aaron and Adam, and Teal'c would be visiting Ryac and his new grandson.

Everywhere he looked there were small familys getting ready for Christmas with last minute shopping and visiting Santa. Christmas Eve. It only marked another year for him. another year without _her_. Finally choosing a small bear for his niece Amy who would be visiting boxing day after much pushing from her mother Cassandra he began to make his way to the tills.

Just as his turn to be served came a samll girl pushed in front of him, she had bright, blonde hair that passed her shoulders and as she turned to him he saw two of the biggest, blue eyes he had seen in years. "Sorry mister." She looked about 11 but the tear trails down each side of her face made her seem younger. Turning back to the cashier she spoke to both the man at the till and the ex-colonel, "Sir I wanna buy these shoes, for my momma, please." She said handing a small pair of red shoes over the counter. Looking down, the man who used to call himself O'Neill before he faded away, saw the young girls clothing was very thin and seemed old, she didn't look like she had much money but here she was trying to buy a pair of shoes that from the price tag didn't seem cheap.

Sniffing the little girl continued, "It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size... Please." Then she began to dig through her pockets pulling out handfuls of coins. The cashier looked at her but seeing the tears growing he began to count the pennies. After what seemed like an eternity of hearing the young child hold in sobs the cashier looked up with a sad look on his face.

He began in a deep voice, barely looking at the child, "Sorry, there's not enough here," gesturing to the pile of change. The samll girl began frantically searching her pockets for any spare change she foirgot to hand over. A few moments later she turned to O'Neill and started in a quiet voice, "Momma always made Christmas special for me so most years she didn't have a gift. Sir, what am I gonna do, I promise her she'd have these shoes...?"

Maybe it was the way she said sir, or tears threatening to fall or maybe he just felt bad for the small girl. Either way he pulled out his wallet and paid the remainder of the money. The girls eyes widened and a smile appeared on her face and O'Neill swore he would never foget the look on her face when he looked down and said, "Well then wont your momma look great."

The cashier behan to busy himself with tendering to the gift when the little girl leaned over the counter, "Could you hurry, sir, Doctor says there's not much time. You see she's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes would make her smile... I want her to look beautiful if momma meets Jesus tonight," she trailed off quietly toward the end.

As the cashier handed her the box she bid both of them a 'Merry Christmas' with big, fat tears roling down each cheek and ran out of the store. O'Neill looked at the small stuffed bear in his hand and after a few seconds gave it to a young mother holding a crying baby and ran after the girl. "Wait. Come back," he yelled to the retreating figure zooming past the choir on the street corner.

Surpising both of them the young girl stopped. "I'll take you home in my car. It'll be faster," called O'Neill. Looking up at the adult she only just met she cocked her her head quizzically, "Momma said not to trust strangers...but I need to get home fast... Okay then, but we gotta hurry," she replied following him to the truck parked a couple of feet away.

"I'm Grace," smiled the young girl as she hopped into the pasenger seat, "What's your name?" The name Gace meant something, he knew it did. He just couldn't remember what, "I'm Jack, now where's your house?" Facing the older man she smiled, this man was helping her and her momma, they'd been alone for as long as she could remember, it was nice. Especially seeing as she didn't remeber ever having a dad. "It's just down here, Sir, you gotta go left..."

Ten minuets later the pair appeared at a small house with a pond in the back the Jack could only just see from the reflection of Christmas lights. Grace had already run out of the car and so Jack followed her through the open door. Stopping to look at the photos hung up outside of the room Grace ran into he couldn't believe his eyes. this was cliché and Jack O'Neill hated cliché's.

"Momma? Momma, wake up. I got'em. Look, I did, I got'em for you," Grace cried holding onto the figure lying on the bed, trying to rouse her mother from her sleeping state. Meanwhile Jack was outside staring at photographs he thought he'd never see, the first was of a group of people standing together at a bar smiling, it was taken 14 years ago at O'Malleys. He knew this because he had a copy on the exact same photograph at his cabin. Then there was one from 13 years ago, Jacob was also in the photograph they'd just finished a particularly hard mission but thankfully the all made it back alive, even if the odds had been against them.

Then the were some more recent photographs on the wall, Grace and her mother and some of just Grace. Jack finally reached the door just as Graces mother was waking up and saw a photograph on her bedside table, the exact same photograph that Jack kept underneath his pillow. It was taken just before she disappeared, a few months after the ancient accident. Neither of them new the photo was being taken so they were stood slightly closer together than neccesary and smiling at each other.

"Look, momma. I got you the shoes I promised. There here," Grace said and with trembling hands she placed each red shoe on its corresponding foot swiping away at the tears inbetween. Finally, her mother proped herself up using her elbows whilst minding not to catch the oxygen tubes accross her face. "Thanks honey," she replied looking at her daughter, her voice hoarse due too not being used. Staring at the young girl that had caused so much trouble in her life she couldn't help but smile, she only withed Graces father could see her now. She thought that the drugs the doctor had given her were too strong because now she apppeared to be hallucinating. He couldn't be there, she left him 12 years ago.

Jack stood in the doorway barely moving, hardly daring to breath fearing he might wake up and loose the one person he needed the most, that he still dreamed of everynight. After Grace put both shoes on her mother feet she walked towards Jack and hugged him around his middle tightly, "Thank you for helping me and my momma, Sir, thank you for everything."

Now she knew she wasn't dreaming, if Grace could see him too then he must be real. The image of her daughter hugging her father for the first time was blurred by tears brimming and ready to fall.

Jack wasnt going to question how this happened, he met this young girl who brought him to the woman he lost, the woman who stole his heart what seemed a lifetime ago. He had a chance to see her one last time. Graces mother. She used to be so strong but now she seemed so frail, so small. She really was ill and yet Grace was still fighting to make her happy. "Hello Sir," called the woman on the bed.

Somehow no other reply seemed appropriate, so he just said what he always did in these occassions, smiled back and replied to the woman he hadn't seen in over 12 years, the woman that still held his heart, "You too, Carter."

* * *

This story was inspired by the song "Christmas Shoes" By NEWSONG, I urge you to listen to it. Thank you for taking the time to read this as it's my first ever fanfic so please tell me what you think, Happy Holidays.


	2. Chapter 2

After 12 years he finallly found her. All that lost time. In the days following meeting Grace and finding Carter, Jack decieded not to let anything stop him from making them both happy. The day after Christmas, Jack took Grace to a large department store that was suprisingly still open and bought more toys and clothing than Grace would ever need. Everything was going perfectly. He'd finallly gotten the woman who stole his heart back and a child to help hold it together. They were a family, something that both O'Neill and Grace had been dreaming of for years.

But dreams can only last so long. Sooner or later they had to wake up.

Up at his cabin in Minasota, Jack was gathering some belongings getting ready to head back to the Carter residence where he'd been staying recently. That way he could look after Grace and Sam who's condition seemed to be improving. As he was packing a Simpson DVD boxset for Grace to watch with him the phone started ringing in the next room.

"Hello, Mr. O'Neill? This is Dr. Barrom talking rom the HollyBush clinic, I'm calling about a Miss Carter?" O'Neill felt his heart stop beating, Sam added his number to a list of emegency contacts, if a doctor was calling him something must have happened. Working through the sudden dryness in his throat he managed to reply, "Yep, thats me, what happened to her?"

"I'm sorry to inform you that Miss Carter has been taken into hospital, it would apppear a complication has appeared. I also wish to inform you that a small child is waiting at the clinic for you to arrive. Grace Carter?" O'Neill could hear sobbing in the background, the same sobbing sound that almost broke his heart just few days earlier. Pulling himself together he began in a dull tone, "I'll be right there. Tell Grace I'm coming."

Putting the phone down, Jack began to get angry. How could Sam do this, things were getting better, she couldn't leave him. What would happen to Grace? Throwing the furnature against walls he felt a hot stinging sensation at the back of his eyes. It wasn't until he fell to the floor that he realised he was crying. For the first time in years, he was crying.

Driving to the HollyBush clinic, Jack broke more speeding laws than he cared to count. Runnig through the tacky, green doors, he rushed straight toward the small child sitting in the corner, staring at the lights on the small christmas tree. The waiting room was small and only a few people sat there, a couple crying huddled together, an elderly man playing with a womans wedding band and the skeletal staff for the night-time shift. A short man wearing what appeared to be a tweed suit underneath a long white coat walked toward Jack, his shoes echoing on the floor with each step.

"Are you Mr. O'Neill?" the man asked in a deep voice that Jack recognised as Dr. Barrom. "Yeah. You're Sam's doctor. Where is she?" Refering to Carter as Sam was new to Jack but all that he could think of was how Grace was hanldling the situation. From what Jack could see she didn't appear to be crying or look all that sad. The doctor looked up at the taller man watching the young girl. Seeing that the taller man wasn't paying much, if any, attention to him he turned to look at the small blonde girl curled up in a corner. "Miss. Carter's room is on the second floor, room 241. Take her, but be careful. Miss. Carter's condition is deteriorating. Say your goodbyes now."

Turning to see the short man, the rage Jack felt earlier crept back over him. "How long?" he asked the doctor, knowing he would know exactly what he meant. Sighing the doctor turned back to face the man. no matter how many times the same questions were asked this one was always the hardest to answer. "A day, maybe two. It's hard to tell. She's losing control of a lot her muscles, she isn't consious for long periods of time and... We're doing everything we can. I'm sorry."

The doctor walked away to tend to other patients leaving Jack to explain everything to Grace. "It's okay. I know momma's sick. I heard ev'rything the mister said, can we see her?" asked Grace who during the converesation between Jack and the doctor had managed to move across the room to stand next to Jack. Looking down ninto her blue eyes he knew that no matter what he said, Grace would go and see her mother one way or another. "Come on lets go." Grace slipped her small hand through Jack's larger one and all but draaged the weary man to see her mother.

As Grace ran to Sam and behan to climb onto the hospital bed, Jack stood in the doorway taking note of all the wires and machines she was hooked upto. Sam was looking paler and was taking in fluids from a drip hanging beside the bed. Jack remembered the last time he had seen the once strong woman connected to so many machines and how he had to shoot her. Twice. He never forgave himself for letting that entity nearly kill her, for making him kill her. "Hey there, Sir," Sam whispered in a dry voice.

"Save your voice. Get stronger so we can get you out of here," he replied, his own voice sounding hoarse. As Grace began moving to het comfortable on the small hospital bed she caught the tube connecting the drip to Sam's arm, "Ouch. Honey you've gotta be careful, that hurts when you do that... Aw no, honey don't cry..." Sam began to comfort the small crying child thinking she was the one to hurt her mother. Jack walked over to the hospital bed and sat in the small plastic chair, Grace moved so that she could climb down to sit in Jacks lap. While trying to get comfortable Grace began mumbling, "Momma's sick and she ain't wearing her shoes. It's because she ain't wearing the shoes..." After a minute or two the mumbling became very quiet and Grace's breathing evened out, giving away the fact that the little girl had fallen asleep.

The stinging sensation returned to O'Neill at the young girls words, he knew exactly how far she had gone to get those shoes. Drawing from the young girls strength he looked toward the woman he loved and began, "Carter... Sam, I want you to... I need to tell you," as O'Neill bumbled over the words to tell the remarkable woman in the bed how he felt she leaned over and put a finger across his lips, silencing him. "You don't have to say it, I know. I feel the same," as Sam moved her hand to caress the side of his face Jack lifted his hand to wipe away the tears that were forming in the corner of Sam's eyes.

They stayed like that for what seemed a lifetime each silently telling the other what they meant and for a moment they could pretend that they were somewhere else, not in a hospital room. They could pretend that they were the family that they both needed, that Sam wasn't sick and dying and Jack could pretend that Grace was his real daughter. As the time passed, Sam became tired and lay her head down, still staring at the man who meant the world to her.

While Sam lay down and her breathing began to even out Jack looked into her eyes and saw that she wanted the same as him. Stroking her hand with his thumb he rose from his chair, his legs stiff from being sat down for so long. Holding onto Grace he bent down and placed a small kiss in the corner of Sam's mouth, "I love you, Sam... Always." In that one word he managed to show her just how much he cared and let down all his walls, showing his emotions through his swirling dark eyes. Not finding the energy to tell him how she felt she waited until he was at the doorway to whisper one word that held all her feelings for him, "Jack," thinking he couldn't hear her. What she didn't know was that he always heard her, no matter what, and so left with a small smile on his face carrying Grace to the car so he could take her home. They all needed to rest if they wanted to come back tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

The days seemed to crawl by after that, each day Jack and Grace would wake early and go to the hospital to visit Sam. Then in the evenings when visiting hours were oover they would go back to Grace's home. Jack would make food that neither of them would really eat, even if they did try for each other, then Jack would take Grace to bed. In the evenings he could hear her crying from behind her bedroom door, somedays Jack would be sitting on the other side of the door with tears streaming down his cheeks silently. The shoes that Grace bought when Jack first met her layed at the foot of Sam's bed. At first Grace would walk around the house wearing them until she fell and scrapped the shoes edges. After that the shoes remained on the bed, waiting for Sam to come back home so that she could wear them.

On the 28th of December, Jack left Grace watching TV while he went to get food for the two. It was while Jack as gone the phone rang. Grace was only tryuing to help when she picked up the phone to answer. "Excuse me, if this the Carter residence?" asked the tinny voice on the other end of the line. "Y-yes, why?" asked Grace getting nervous. "I have some news for you, you might want to sit down..."

When Jack pulled into the driveway he ran out of the truck when he heard Grace scream. Opening the door he ran into the front room and heard Grace on the phone, "No... no you got it wrong. No... She promised me, momma promised. No!" Grace yellled as she slammed the phone back into the cradle. When she turned around Jack caught a glimpse of tears on her face before she launched herself into Jacks arms. Sniffing Grace began mumbling into Jacks chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. Jack only caught phrases of what Grace was saying, "He said she was gone. He said she was gone, she can't be. Momma promised. He called the wrong house, he had to. Momma's not gone, I need her. Jack, what do we do. I'm all alone..."

Holding onto Grace tighter he buried his head in her hair. Sam was...dead. The tears ran freely, Jack didn't care who saw him crying anymore. He was in pieces. Just when he thought things were going to be okay, what were they going to do. Jack didn't know who Grace's father was but even if he did, would he let her go. Grace was all he had left after growing quite attached to the small girl over the past week. Scooping up the crying child he drove to the county morgue. After filling in the neccessary forms he finallly got to see the body. Seeing the woman he loved on the cold metal table like that... everything seemed to hit home. She was gone, after finally getting her back he lost her again. He needed her.

Grace sat outside the examination room, Jack didn't want Grace seeing her mother like that. Didn't want Grace to remember her like that. Working on autopiolot Jack arranged everything, the funeral, coffin, he even got some of her personal artifacts. After two days the funeral was arranged for the 1st of January. Jack became cold to his surroundings again, he even shut out Grace. She looked like her mother so much, Jack didn't know what to do, how was he meant to handle an emotionally unstable child. On the 31st of December Grace was sick of Jack ignoring her. She already blamed herself for her mothers death, but having an adult blame her too. It upset Grace more than anyone else saw.

That evening at dinner before Jack could leave the room she called to him, "Jack, do you hate me?" The question knocked Jack back, he knew he wasn't being the best friend he could be for her but he didn't think he was treating her that badly. "What makes you say that?" he asked with genuine surprise in his voice. "You keep ignoring me, I know that it's my fault momma's gone but I'm really sorry. I don't want her to be gone, but i-it's m-m-my fa-ult..." Grace trailed off sniffing and hiccuping. _She thinks it's her fault_. "Grace listen to me, none of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong. Ever. Okay, so don't ever blame yourself. I'm sorry that I upset you, I didn't meant it, but your momma... It's upset me too. C'mere" Jack pulled the small girl into a large hug as she carried on crying rubbing her back and letting out some of his own tears.

That night Jack put Grace to bed after she wore herself out from crying. Walking down the hallway Jack noticed that Sam's bedroom door was open. On her bed were all the possesions she owned when she died kept together in a plastic bag. Opening the bag Jack leafed through the contents, a silver necklace that he would give to Grace before the funeral tomorrow, her dogtags that for some reason she still wore after giving up the Air Force over 12 years ago. There were a lot of papers, most of them were legal documents but in the pile there were two envelopes one adressed to Grace, for when she turned 16 acording to the back, the other was for Jack. Opening the envelope he saw documents stating that custody of Grace was to be handed to Jack, all it required was his signature, Sam already authorised the transaction. Then there was a small rectangle of paper turning the piece of paper over he saw that it was a birth certificate. Grace's birth certificate dated over 12 years ago. Curiosity got the bettter of Jack and so he looked in the corner to see who Grace's father really was.

That was his name in the corner. His name wrote in the space for the fathers name. That couldn't be right... They'd only made love once during the anciet accident... Right before she left! But then if he really was Grace's father, how would he tell her? What would they do? Putting the piece of paper down for a moment Jack moved onto the next item, a letter adressed to him. Opening the sheet he looked at the elegant curled handwriting that he knew belonged to her and began to read the page blurred with tear marks.

_Dear Jack, _

_By now you should have read the other documents I have included. You've probably also worked out that you're Grace's father. I wanted to tell you but I was afriad. When Thor beamed me back onto the ship after you saved me from the Replicators with your Anciet weapon he scanned me and found that I was carrying a child. That child grew up into our little girl, Grace O'Neill. Not Carter, I gave her your name even if you didn't know she existed until a few days ago. _

_Thank you. Thank you for helping Grace on Christmas Eve. Thank you for finding me again. For not forgeting me after all this time. I want you to look after Grace when I die. It wont be long, I can feel it. I wrote another letter, make sure she gets it on her 16th. Please take care of her, I can't think of her with another family and this way you can both help take care of each other. Don't let her forget me, I don't want to be a shadow in her life like my mother was in mine. Don't let her grow up with no family, please. _

_Before I go, I want you to know how much I love you. Because I do. I just wish I told you all those years ago. Then we could have been a family. I don't want you to be alone though. Jack, listen to me. Don't mourn me like you did, live your life. I understand now, as much as I want you to remember me I want you to be happy. You waited 12 years for me last time, this time I wont be coming back so please don't waste the rest of your life. I love you so much that I need you to carry on... I'm not Charlie. You have Grace now, be careful and don't forget me. I love you._

_Samantha Carter._


End file.
